


You don't know what you've got 'till its gone my dear

by GarsLoup



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post V-Day, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2020-03-20 12:44:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18992911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GarsLoup/pseuds/GarsLoup
Summary: Harry had teached Eggsy manners, he had given him the opportunity to get his life under control and he had been there every step of the way. But that was until V-day. Now Harry was gone, and he had never teached Eggsy how to handle it.





	You don't know what you've got 'till its gone my dear

**Author's Note:**

> Hello guys, I'm really excited to share this first chapter, but I must admit now that English isn't my first language, I did my best to correct myself, but yeah, there must be a lot of mistakes. Sorry in avance. If you point them out to me I'll be glad to edit it, and if ever you'd like to beta the next chapters hit me up in the comments I guess!
> 
> Now that we got this out of the way, the fic won't be entirely canon-compliant, but there are heavy spoilers from both movies in the fic. Read it at your own risk!
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy it! Love you all.

  
  


Eggsy couldn't see Harry. He was only able to watch the scene through Harry's glass. He couldn't see the face of his mentor, but he didn't need it to know how broken he must have felt. Harry was out of breath, and Eggsy wasn't sure if it was because of the view standing before them or all the stunt he just had pulled. Probably both. Eggsy knew Harry. He had learned to know him all those months. Had long talk with Merlin while Harry was in a coma. So Eggsy knew that what had just happened wasn't his mentor doing.

Harry had lost control here, it wasn't rocket science, Eggsy could grasp this much. He could add the fact, but he just didn't know what he could do with it. He wasn't with Harry, couldn't even communicate with him like Merlin did. He could just witness what was happening, while it happened and that sucked. That sucked but there was nothing else he could do, so he listened to Harry harsh breath and Merlin steady voice trying to ground Harry.

  
  


" _ Galahad, I need you to leave this place." _

Harry didn't move. He just stared at the sight before him. And Eggsy could almost taste the man guilt like it was his own.

  
  


"Fuck, Harry. Leave the goddamn place!"He barked to the screen.

  
  


Harry couldn't hear him. It looked like he couldn't hear anyone at the moment. Too caught up in what had happened. Who wouldn't in his place. Eggsy saw the corpse, too much to count. He had watched with utter awe the scene that took place into that church. Obviously, the people attending it were garbage, but they didn't deserve this. Eggsy knew it. So did Harry. The youngest couldn't imagine what Harry could feel at that moment. What thought crossed his mind. Eggsy could only stare at the view himself. Hoping that the kingsman would snap out of this and get the fuck outta here. He was so damn mad, gripping the edge of Harry's computer screen so hard his knuckles were white. It hurt, but it must be nothing compared to what must feel his mentor.

It felt like hours had passed before Harry started moving. He walked past the corpse, a tremor in his breath that felt like a sting at Eggsy's heart. Eggsy could hear Merlin guiding Harry through it. Merlin remained calm, and Eggsy could only admire him for it. Eggsy would probably be spitting swear words everywhere if he was in his shoes. Even more so when Harry pushed the Church's door open and Valentine was standing right before him.

  
  


"That crazy bastard."He snarled, his grip on the screen almost hurting him now that everything downed on him.

  
  


It was a trap. All this bullshit comedy was a trap for Harry to fall into. Eggsy didn't let himself loathe on how could an experimented spy get led this easily in that kind of crap. He didn't let himself think about how mad Harry was at him that day and how that could have biased his judgment. He didn't do it because Harry was talking for the first time since it all blew up and his voice was hoarse.

"What did you do to me?"

And if Eggsy wasn't on the edge of breaking down right now and start sobbing it was just because he couldn't let his attention slip from the screen, not when he could feel the horror in Harry's voice.

  
  


"I had no control..."

  
  


Harry paused and took a deep breath. Eggsy wanted nothing more than to be there. Just be there so he could punch Valentine in the face and get rid of the proud smile he was showing. Eggsy wanted to be standing next to Harry, bear the guilt with him if only to ease his pain. But he wasn't in Kentucky, he was in Harry's home in London. Miles away from the scene and could just watch in what mess Harry got caught into.

  
  


"I killed all those people-"

  
  


His voice broke. Harry's voice had broke and Eggsy had never thought he would witness it one day, but here he was. Harry was feeling so much guilt, when Valentine, the real culprit here, was nodding a wide smile spread across his face. Eggsy felt pure hate against this man, he hated him more than he never hated anyone, maybe more than he hated Dean at that moment. He was just so fucking furious, he would give anything to beat that smile out of Valentine's face. Eggsy could feel in his guts that Harry probably looked as miserable as he sounded right now, and yet, Valentine stood there proud of himself and fucking grinned. And that filled Eggsy with rage.

"I wanted to."

Eggsy was going to be sick. He couldn't bear to hear the man he looked up to be so devastated and not being able to help him in any way.

  
  


"Clever, isn't it?"Valentine sounded genuinely happy with what was happening. "In simple terms, it's a neurological wave that triggers the centres of aggression and switches off inhibitors."

  
  
  


He looked like a child that explained his science project, a grin eating his face showing how proud it was of it. But it wasn't a volcano made of tomato sauce that exploded inside that church, it was a sick invention that just led a dozen people to die only one door away from them.

  
  


"Transmitted through your nasty, free SIM cards, I assume."

  
  


Harry was a goddamn saint to keep his composure at that time because Eggsy was sure he wouldn't be able to keep talking to the man without trying to kill him first. The man had only sneered those few words, disgust palpable even through the device Eggsy's was hearing it from. Valentine didn't seem to be pleased by it. He crept closer, lost his smile on the way.

  
  


"Do you know what this is like?"He asked, now the joyful tone was gone and he didn't wait for an answer. "It's like those old movies we both love. Now, I'm going to tell you my whole plan and then I'm going to come up with some absurd and convoluted way to kill you and you'll find an equally convoluted way to escape."

  
  


He didn't look annoyed, nor happy. He just announced what looked like facts, that would happen in the near future. And Eggsy didn't understand why, but he clearly could feel the change of space coming from Valentine and from Harry too.

  
  


"Sounds good to me."Harry retorted simply. His tone flat, almost calm, if anyone could be in such situation it would be Harry.

  
  


There was a pause. Eggsy hold his breath, he was waiting for Harry to fucking do one of his amazing stunts and get as far away as he could from Valentine and his minions. But that's not what happened. Instead. Instead, Harry remained calm, his breath under control now, and Valentine was standing before him, huffing like there was something funny no one else but him understood.

  
  


"Well, this ain't that kind of movie."

  
  


Valentine assured before pulling a gun from god knows where, and pressed the trigger. Eggsy screamed and crashed the fucking portable shut while doing so. He couldn't watch. He just couldn't, because if he did. If he'd saw the blood leaving Harry's body, then he wouldn't have been able to keep going. Harry told him to stay here. He told him he would deal with the mess Eggsy had done when he got back.

But Harry would never come back. The thought made Eggsy sick.

Everything here recalled him the man he had just lost.  He had to do something. He had to. Otherwise, he would lose his goddamn mind.

  
  
  


*

*                 *

  
  
  


He didn't know what brought him to go see Arthur. The snob never liked him, and the feeling was mutual. But the shop was where everything started for him. Where Harry had given him the chance to get his life together, so he quite expected the place to just do that once again. Arthur being here was just a sheer coincidence. Arthur was there, he was Harry's boss, Kingsmen's boss, he should know better than anyone what to do. He could understand right know just how much Eggsy must felt right now, better than his own friends and family would since Arthur at least knew Harry. What he represented for Eggsy. Eggsy just need someone to understand, to share with him the pain, so even if he resents the man he steps into the room.

"Arthur, Harry's dead."

Eggsy didn't know until then that talking could hurt this much. He couldn't quite grasp how wrong did it felt to just say that. He felt like the air was knocked out of his lung just pronouncing the words out loud. He didn't know admitting to another human being that Harry, his mentor, his friend, the man that saved his life was dead, was like a knife cutting deep inside him. It was like every ounce of sadness was becoming a very tangible pain and it only got worse when Arthur started talking.

" _ Galahad  _ is dead."The man corrected Eggsy like all this bullshit mattered right now.

Harry was dead. Eggsy didn't care about the title his mentor used as a spy. People had been Galahad before and others would become Galahad afterwards, but there is no one else that could be Harry. They lost him, the one and only Harry Hart was gone, and Arthur, who knew him way before Eggsy, wasn't phased touched by the lost. Being as cold and snob as before. Eggsy didn't know what prevented him to call bullshit on the man. But he remained calm, numb.

  
  


He seated with Arthur, watching him pour two glasses of alcohol while his thoughts were a sick loop of Harry was dead. Harry was dead. Harry was dead. Harry was dead. Harry was dead.

  
  
  


He only snapped out of it when he saw the dim scar behind Arthur's ear. He didn't need much time to process what did this mean. Arthur had betrayed them. He betrayed Kingsman. Hell, he betrayed, Harry.

  
  


Eggsy didn't understand how he could have remained composed while facing that asshole. He went with the flow, exchanged their cup without the fucker noticing. He didn't once let his guard down, didn't let another reason for Harry to be disappointed in him. When Arthur pulled the pen trick, Eggsy had a hard time to contain his sneer. He didn't even lie when he told that old geezer :

  
  
  


"I'd rather be with Harry."

  
  
  


That was so fucking true, Eggsy should be a little scared about that. But he wasn't. He was too furious to feel anything else than pure anger.

  
  
  


"So be it,"Arthur assured before flicking the pen.

  
  
  


At first, nothing happened. After Arthur statement, they were both waiting in silence for the poison to kick in. It felt like eons had passed before Arthur tasted what betrayal felt like. Eggsy met Arthur's gaze and was satisfied when it dawns on Arthur that he was the one who drank the poison. It looked painful, but Eggsy didn't have it in him to care. Arthur started to retch and Eggsy smirked.

  
  
  


"The problem with us common types,"Eggsy told him while grabbing the glass in front of him and rolling it between his finger:"is that we're light-fingered. Kingsman's taught me a lot but sleight of hand..."

Eggsy drew closer to the man, watched him convulse and the life, slowly but surely, leaving him with satisfaction before he snarled:"I had that down already."

  
  


"You dirty little fucking prick,"were Arthur last word and Eggsy could agree with him on that.

  
  
  


*

*               *

  
  
  


Eggsy wanted to kill Valentine a billion time and use a billion ways to do so. But he didn't have the time to. Merlin pressed him to do something and to do it right now. So Eggsy worked on pure instinct this time again. When Valentine fell down to his feet, his assistant's prosthesis sticking out of his body, Eggsy was quite surprised he hadn't died from the fall. But it was just Eggsy's luck. So if V died only this one time Eggsy was glad he wouldn't lose a second of the show. He would make sure the psycho was dead, that he somewhat got the chance to revenge his mentor. He knew that it wouldn't ease the pain from the loss he experienced. But it damns felt good to saw his mentor's murderer die from his hand.

  
  
  


"Harry would be proud of you, Eggsy,"Merlin told him through the device they used to communicate. Then he added more softly:"He was right."

  
  
  


_ I see a young man with potential. _

  
  
  


Eggsy could almost hear it too. When he first met him at the tailor shop and Harry had told him he had potential, that Eggsy could become someone, someone Eggsy could be proud of. Someone Harry would be proud of. Eggsy didn't have time to dwell on the memory, dying man at his feet wouldn't shut up and just die. Instead, he asked :

  
  
  


"What's up, man? Is this the part where you say some really bad pun?"

His voice was throaty because of the blood invading it. It must be painful, but Eggsy wasn't able to feel any pity for him.

  
  


"Well, it's like you said to Harry."Eggsy pointed out, and he didn't bother to hide the disgust he had for the man. "This ain't that kind of movie, bruv."

  
  


He managed a smile. But it didn't reach his eyes, there were tears there. He tried his best not to break down right fucking now. He didn't want his vision to blur, he needed to see the moment Valentine died. Make sure of it. For Harry. For himself.

  
  


"Perfect,"was Valentine last word.

Valentine should have been right. It should have been perfect to see him die, to take revenge on what he had done to Harry, but it was not.

  
  
  
  


*

*               *

  
  
  


After V day, Eggsy wanted nothing more than to go to Kentucky to retrieve Harry's corpse himself if he had to. But the world had gone psycho because of Valentine’s sim card, and now that most of the politicians of every country were dead, things weren't going to get better anytime soon. Flight were cancelled, no one understood what had happened and that was bad, because a lot of people had died, and there was no real culprit except Valentine to put behind bars. So yeah, no Kentucky for Eggsy, and things were so hectic, Kingsmen could use any help they could get.

  
  


Eggsy became a full-time agent, when borders were open again, Eggsy still didn't have the time to get to Kentucky. Merlin told him he was handling it, and it was just enough to keep Eggsy sane. He was helping Merlin clean the last of Arthur mess. There was so much to deal with, that Eggsy didn't think about Kentucky and the fact that Harry's body wasn't found yet. He had gone on multiple mission, alone, with Roxy or other agents. He had assassinated a lot of people. Prevented a lot of innocents to die at the hands of corrupted rulers. When the world didn't need him as much, he had kicked Dean's ass. Being a Kingsman paid well, so he had moved into a house with Daisy and his mum.

But the world came back to his sense, everything was starting to get back to normal, at least as normal as everything could be after a worldwide genocide had menaced them. That's when Eggsy finally got to go home. Or what he should call his home. He would get his first night of sleep in months. Eggsy laid in bed when the awful reality decided to kick in.

  
  


Harry was dead.

  
  


It felt so fucking  _ wrong  _ .

  
  


Harry couldn't be dead. Not after he told Eggsy he would fucking come back, not when his last words to Eggsy were tinted with disappointment. Harry couldn't have. He didn't get to die and leave Eggsy behind.

  
  


_ Fuck. _

It hurt. It hurt so bad to just be when Harry was not. Eggsy felt sick. His breath got stuck in his throat and the tears blurred his vision. But it didn't quite matters, because what was the point? What was the point in living, in seeing the days come and go when Harry wouldn't be in sight?

  
  


"Fuck!"He croaked at first but soon his every sob were punctuated by a swear. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck !"

  
  


He covered his eyes with his hand, his finger buried roughly into the soft skin of his face. It was painful, but it helped him remains above the panic attack, that drew closer with every inhale he took. The pain anchored him, but it didn't appease him. Eggsy got up, paced around his room trying to calm down. But it was too late, he couldn't keep the rage, the loneliness, the pure agony and guilt he was feeling when he thought about Harry. He hit his foot against his bed frame and this is what makes everything explode. Eggsy started to smash his furniture, cried and shouted to fucking get all the pain out of his system. Soon his throat was raw, his eyes burned and all his body and soul was aching, but it wasn't enough. He needed to get all those months worth of grief out of him. All the time he had wanted to scream and cry at the top of his lungs, all the hate he was feeling toward Valentine, toward Harry and toward himself was eating him alive. All those months he had kept going forward, just because he didn't know what else to do. How he wanted to beat someone up every time they called  _ him  _ Galahad. Eggsy hated it. Hated to have taken Harry's place when he knew at what price. Hate that Harry had died. Hated that they parted on a fight. Eggsy was just filled with hate and he didn't know how to process it. So he trashed his room, cried, shouted, rinse and repeat.

  
  


He didn't register when his mom, got him to stop and sit on his now broken bed. He just knew that the moment before he was trashing a chair against the wall and the next his nose was buried into his mother's shoulder.

  
  


"It's okay, Eggsy. Baby, it's okay,"she hushed in his ear. Her hands where soothing away the sobbing, rubbing his scalp and his back.

  
  


"No, it's fucking not..."He sneered, his voice hoarse. "It's not okay. It will never be. Not ever."

Eggsy didn't have to see his mother's face to know she was confused. She didn't know why he reacted this way, why her son was so heartbroken. And she didn't know what to say to comfort him.

  
  


"What happened, Eggsy?"She asked and brushed her lips against his temple.

"Tell me,"she inquired softly.

  
  


Eggsy could felt the words form a knot inside his throat. His eyes filled again with tears. It was so fucking hard to have to admit it again. A silent cry passed his lips, and he started sobbing hard into his mother embrace. He was so heartbroken. And he couldn't even tell his mother the whole truth. She was still thinking he was working as a tailor. He had promised her it was their chance to start a new life. He had told her that things were hectic at the shop, but soon everything would get better. He would get better. He knew she was worried about him, the money, all his travel abroad. She had told him multiple times that he didn't need to put too much pressure on himself. She told him he could rest a little, that the world wouldn't stop spinning if he did. Merlin had told him the same, that's why he was home. See how well that went.

"What is wrong, Eggsy?"Michelle asked again, her voice trembled and she had a hard time containing her tears.

  
  


"Everything."He sobbed. "Everything feels wrong, mom..."

Michelle did his best to comfort him. And when he was calm enough to be able to speak without choking on the air while trying to do so he admitted in a whisper.

"There was this man, you know the one that got me the job at the shop?"He reminded her, when she nodded her response he added: "His name was Harry..and- and he died on V-day."

Eggsy had tried his best to remain calm, to not give in again to the tears. But it was a lost cause.

"He's dead, mom."He told her, face ravaged with the tears he was unable to contain, cheeks and soul burning from the ache he felt.

"Fuck, Harry's _ dead  _ ."

The words were strangled, huffed so quietly, Michelle wasn't sure if he was telling her or himself.

"I am so sorry..."

She hugged him harder and he did the same. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and cried.

"I'm so sorry, Eggsy," she kept saying, tried to soothe him down. "I love you. I'm so sorry, Eggsy."

  
  


She whispered tenderly in his ears that she loved him, and that when it hit Eggsy. The air was knocked out of his lungs, and his sobbing became out of control. Eggsy was sobbing so hard he soon became unable to breathe correctly and Michelle didn't know what to fucking do when her son wasn't even able to breathe. She cupped his face in her palm and saw the panic in her son's eyes.

  
  


"Breath, Eggsy,"she inquired sharply. "I swear to god just  _ breath  _ ."

She started to tell him when to inhale and exhale, doing it at the same time so he could follow her lead. Eggsy choked on thin air every time he thought about what he had realised just now. And how could he have not understood sooner? How could he have been so oblivious to his own feelings?

He loved Harry. And the asshole was fucking dead.

  
  


"I love him, mom."He blurred out, voice thick with sorrow. "I love him, and I won't ever be able to tell him."

  
  


Michelle hug became tighter. Eggsy knew she was trying her best not to give in and cry with him. She knew better than anyone how bad and deep the wound caused by grief was. She knew too well how you don't ever heal from them.

"I'm here Eggsy, I'm with you, ok?"She told him, voice high-pitched because of how hard she was trying to contain her tears.

"We'll get through it."She assured.

"You're not alone in this. Do you hear me, Eggsy? You're not alone."

But he felt so lonely in a world without Harry.

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
